BOFH
Pre-2001
The original series between 1995 and 2000, before it moved to being published on The Register.
The Register
2001
- Back on the Helldesk with BOFH
- This hardware is dead... It has ceased to be...
- BOFH gives good slide
- BOFH gets to the back of the Q
- The Bastard school of anger management
- BOFH: how to upgrade your Quake Server
- Swears, Lies and Videotapes
- BOFH plays Golf!
- My mate, automate
- The Rise and Fall of Little Voice
- The Bastard goes Wireless
- Bastard plan 437f
- BOFH gets exercised
- The Bastard formerly known as Roger
- To Catch a Thief
- The Bastard plays with Fire
- BOFH mans the Helldesk
- BOFH and the Linux Evangelist
- BOFH vs CEFH*,one:nil
- Bastard Satisfaction
- Bastard Security Troubleshooter
- Cardiac arrest or Cancer?
- It's BOFH Disaster Recovery Time
- BOFH, the HellDesk and the Novel
- Losing Your Edge? Take The BOFH Test
- Arise Sir BOFH
- I Spy with my Bastard Eye
- The BOFH Self-Helpless Guide
- The BOFH Content Management System
- The Trivia Quiz – BOFH-style...
- The BOFH techno-zealot alert
- 'Twas the night before Christmas
2002
- BOFH and the VAX cluster bomb
- BOFH gets his mobo working
- The Bastard Guide To Writing Software
- SQL for Retards
- Going Postal
- Bastardman and Robin
- Oh Bondage, Up Yours!
- The Bastard Junkets from Hell
- The Bastard gets flustered
- The BOFH Desidoreplicator
- The Bastard Range of Wearable Computers
- The Bastard goes email snooping
- The Bastard Guide to Overclocking
- BOFH and the God of Workplace Harmony
- The Bastard Vending Machine
- BOFH and The Salesbloke
- The Bastard School of Recruitment
- BOFH and The Art Of Brand Management
- PFY's Sulk
- BOFH and the Luser Group
- The BOFH Questionnaire: How Geeky Are You?
- The killer BOFH bot from the basement
- Today the CEO. Tomorrow the Board!
- BOFH and the Nigerian 419
- The Bastard Lift Operator
- The BOFH Christmas Spirit
2003
- I'm a Bastard Operator, Get Me Out of Here!
- The Bastard Guide to Recycling
- BOFH and the Pay Rise
- The Bastard Interviewer from Hell
- The Bastard wants to know – How's your interviewing style?
- Bastard's got a Brand New Laptop
- BOFH, The Boss and Operational Euphemisms
- The Bastard goes 24/7
- BOFH and the Interruptible Power System
- BOFH cops a virus
- BOFH and the Bad Junket
- The Bastard School of Argument
- BOFH and The Engineer
- BOFH and The Conference
- BOFH and The Boss's Porn
- 802.11bofh
- BOFH and the Boss's PA
- A Bastard of a late night call-out
- Resumé writing – BOFH style
- BOFH beats the Boss
- BOFH and the Auditor
- The BOFH mobile comms quiz
- BOFH makes a hardware call
- Health, Safety and... BOFH
- Megalomania™ – the board game for BOFHs
- BOFH and the government contract
- BOFH on the pull
- Yes, it's the BOFH quiz!
- BOFH, the Boss and printing p0rn
- BOFH's Xmas Xperience
- The BOFH-father: Part One
- BOFH and the Boss' space problems
2004
- How to get an upgrade, BOFH-style
- BOFH and the pointless questionnaire
- BOFH and the cyberchair
- BOFH and the coffee machine
- Interviewing for Helpdesk
- Infesting the secure comms room
- We who are about to dial salute you
- Protecting bodily waste in the public domain
- Enforcing the excremental IP
- Hitting the savegame panic button
- Taking the fight to the beancounters
- Stuck on the 6.01999th floor
- The enemy at the gate
- Beware Mad Ron bearing Linux
- Frying the PFY
- One double espresso from meltdown
- Psst! Wanna buy an encryption device?
- Wearing the graphite polymer wobbly shoe
- Downsizing the human deadwood
- BOFH and the workplace hazards
- BOFH peers through the proxy mirror
- Addressing the Computer Usage Policy
- BOFH gets an RFID he can't refuse
- Might as well face it, you're addicted to smut
- Tripping the mangelfreuzer switch
- BOFH takes a hit from Cupid's arrow
- How do you deal with authority?
- BOFH switches to power-saving mode
- Introducing the BOFH-brand internet café
- Poker-faced BOFH plays jokers wild
- PFY proves self abuse cures male-pattern baldness
- What to do when the Boss gets touchy-feely
- BOFH tests the law of redundant supply
- A ringside seat at the Boss-baiting pit
- Seek, locate and destroy
- How to survive a Boring Geek Alert
- When sorry seems to be the hardest word
- A little Ray of sunshine
- The hostage's guide to lift imprisonment
- Et tu, PFY-us?
- BOFH and the serial killer
- BOFH gets into the Xmas spirit
2005
- Where the hell have you been?
- Hooking the IT vending piranha
- Driller Killer
- When desk lamps attack
- The BOFH guide to equal opportunities
- Danger, Falling Computing Peripherals
- Goin' underground
- Your Job number is...
- Critical Mass of Geeks
- BOFH and the hydrogen-based explosive device
- Identity theft
- I declare this junket season...
- The Boss is dead – long live The Boss
- Let the games begin
- You can't outbastard the bastard
- Lucky in computing...
- Defence of the Realm
- Blocking the chutney ferret
- BOFH and the chemistry lesson
- Resurrection
- Chuck it and leg it
- A white van man called Algernon
- The name's BOFH – James BOFH
- Drunk gravity
- Ye Bastarde Operatore frome Helle
- Hell hath no fury...
- Putting a price on the Boss
- Bloody computer room tourists!
- What the hell's Dutch lobster?
- Hi Honey I'm home
- The Bastard, in the Comms Room with the Cooling Pipe
- Woah there, Crash Gordon
- The PFY goes AWOL
- Beware the lie-detecting mouse
- Can you call me a cab?
- Dr Bastard's photo lab
2006
- 17 minutes of goodwill
- The Way of the Hammer
- 'Did you know..?'
- Automated attendant abuse
- Headhunted
- BOFH takes a leaf from Captain Kirk's log
- Birthday present backfire
- Being root
- A change in tone
- Feral access points
- Clear and present danger
- Dumping old crap
- Headcase
- Dear Valuable VIP Customer
- Interview with a CEO
- That security thang
- Power down blues
- Blast from the past
- Union 'negotiations'
- Dr Bastard's lab challenge
- Double whammy
- Champion of culture
- Go on then, subcontract us...
- Lawsuit ahoy!
- Office politics
- Bastard gets fired
- The Bastard and the Mouse
- The computer whisperer
- Out on the lash
- Retirement plan
- Unconventional interview
- Pulling a computer survey swifty
- The mystery of the impenetrable data safe
- Let the games begin
- Armageddon
- Goes virtual
- Data wiping hell
- Dessert storm
- When non-IT people make IT decisions
- IT services review
- The Bastard and the IT training budget
- The most important user in the world...
- Looting Christmas treasure
- The Bastard's guide to airport security
2007
- BOFH plays Pass the Password
- It's a funny old world isn't it?
- The mystery of the vandalised office
- Immortalised in print
- The Bastard guide to work from work
- The craptop
- The Brotherhood
- The takeover
- The wild smut chase
- The new geek on the block
- The PFY punts for smut
- What do you mean the system's being audited?
- Geeks on heat
- Fishbowl this
- Somebody know this body?
- OutBOFHd
- The revenge
- Lost licences
- PFY spreads his wings
- PFY rescue mission
- Talking to tradesmen
- Printer cartridge? What printer cartridge?
- Computer room deluge
- A question of urgency
- Operation bean the beancounter
- Moving faster than blame
- Dodging the auditors
- Damsels in distress
- New toys
- Chilling the bearings
- Building changes
- In search of the lazy atom
- You think you know a guy...
- Skip diplomacy
- A tragic accident
- The bastard wants to know (aka Episode 35.5)
- A foray into HR
- Budget cuts
- Workplace accidents = 0
- Spreading the festive cheer
- Friday madness
- Xmas party: Get a wriggle on
- Balancing the budget...
- The trivia quiz
- Beancounter bashing
2008
- Memory short circuit
- Defusing the enthusiast
- What GPS is for
- Carbon neutrality
- The Silence of the Servers
- Insecurity complex
- Vampires!
- The secret gentlemen's club
- On the brink
- Impatience
- Fun with automatic doors
- The London Underground vending machine conspiracy
- Lift laughs
- Licensing model
- PFY's mum pays a visit
- The Boss gets Grandpa Simpson syndrome
- Shiny new computer room
- The PFY's comeuppance
- The Batcave
- Testing the obscenity filters
- Dealing with engineers
- Shafting the consultants over the new layout
- The all-clicking, all-whirring Roboboss
- The admin gene
- The PFY wants a reference
- Server room secret panels
- Smash + grab
- Burying the hatchet
- Lock and reload
- Back in the saddle
- Remote access malarkey
- The Mandelboat virus
- Unfriendly ghosts
- Fine detective work
- Radiating sincerity
- Taking out a contract
- The paperless cafeteria
- The unwanted software compo
- The Christmas party
- Blackmail and fine wine
2009
- A safe bet
- Aspie no questions
- Cable entanglements
- Defiling the profile
- Grand Theft Auto
- Spontaneous Legal Combustion
- Snout, meet trough
- Stick this
- A spot of bother
- Hammer time!
- Trussssst in me
- Weapon of choice
- Baitin' switch
- The stupidity criticality
- Slab happy
- Made of win
- Key performance undertakers
2010
- The PFY Chronicles
- The PFY Chronicles Part 2
- The PFY Chronicles Part the Third
- Forgive and Forget
- On the Couch
- The poncy director's cut
- Risky business
- Little ups and downs
- Lies and the lying liars who lie about them
- Die, Robot
- Robot wars
- Lock shock
- Pepper-packing bot plot
- Join the club
- You just can't go around killing people
- BOFH vs Bot: Ultimate Smackdown
- Look out!
- Pain fear games
- Who's been naughty and who's been nice?
2011
- There's no 'I' in team, but there's a 'u' in suck
- This buck's for you
- In distributed denial
- People get annoyed when you try to debug them
- Every silver lining has a cloud
- Attack of the Global Corporate Overlords
- Ready for the Judgment Day
- CSI Haxploitation Cube Farm Apocalypse
- Drunken Time Lord
- BOFH vs PFY: There can be only one (on the exes chit)
- Axe handles – occasionally quite slippery
- Beer, shinies, death by fire, rats IN THAT ORDER
- I'll get my bonus even if it kills, well, someone
- No, the Fabinocci sequence
- Where's my free fondleslab?
- Hordes unleashed... by a RAM upgrade
- We don't need no stinkin' upgrade
- Licence to grill ... stupid users
- The day the office budget bombed – literally
- The Explosive Christmas Evacuation
2012
- The Cloud Committee Calamity
- Moon landings, Pong and the case of the smoking server
- Dawn raid on Fort BOFH
- Siri, why do users lie?
- PFY vs Bearded 80s Netscape Bore: BOFH
- The back-up backdown smackdown
- Shove your project managementry up your mailbox!
- Our Excel-lent new boss and the diagram plan
- Uninterruptible patsy supply
- Tenacious B and the Printer of Destiny
- Can't you just ... NO, I JUST CAN'T
- Hasta la Vista... luser
- The Great Patch Mismatch
- Cannot terminate PFY instance... ACCESS DENIED
2013
- Climb the corp ladder – and use your boss as a bullet shield
- My HELPDESK HELL – lies, phones lines and statistics
- The BOFH is BACK: And it's cloudy with a 90% chance of beatings
- Go on, beancounter, type DROP TABLE asset;
- Don't be afraid – we won't hurt your delicate, flimsy inkjet printer
- Backup server's failed? We have a backup backup server
- Nasty BOFHses. It burns us! It burns...
- Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?
- Is WHAT 'running slow'!? GOD
- GOATSE? No, I said goat fetis... you know what, forget it
- One flew over the PFY's nest
- Resistance is futile – we're missing BEER O'CLOCK
- It's DANGEROUS to go alone. Take THIS
2014
- Attractive person is attractive. Um, why are your eyes bulging?
- He... made... you... HE made YOU a DOMAIN ADMIN?
- On the PFY's Scottish estate, no one can hear you scream...
- Oh DO tell us what you think. *CLICK*
- On the contrary, we LOVE rebranding here at the IT dept
- You can take our lives, but you'll never take OUR MACROS
- The Great Backup BACKDOWN
- We CAN do that with a Raspberry Pi, but think of the BODIES
- The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...
- Stop your tiers – when it comes to storage, less is more
- SOOO... You want to sell us some antivirus software?
- An UNHOLY MATCH forged amid the sweet smell of bullsh*t
- WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from?
- Everyone deserves a little DOWNTIME
- Santa, bloody Santa
- Capo di tutti capi, bah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI
- A miracle on PFY Street
2015
- The Great HellDesk geek leave seek
- The ONE-NINE uptime solution
- Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll
- Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY
- Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...
- Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter
- Step into my office. Now take a deep breath
- Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard
- My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps
- Knitting bobble hats on the steps of the guillotine
- Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!
- An architect and his own entirely avoidable downfall
- Power corrupts, uninterrupted power corrupts absolutely
- Press 1. Press 2. Press whatever you damn well LIKE
- I'm not doing this for the benefit of your health, you know
- We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes?
- How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?
- Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it
2016
- I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please
- In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery
- This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon
- Sure, I could make your cheapo printer perform miracles
- If you liked it then you should've put the internet in it
- Thermo-electric funeral
- What's your point, caller?
- Follow the paper trail
- I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain
- Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade'
- The case of the suspicious red icon
- There are no wrong answers, just wrong questions. Mmm, really wrong ones
- The Idiot-ware Project and the Meaningless Acronym
- The Hypochondriac Boss and the non-random sample
2017
- Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me
- Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you
- Don't back up in anger
- The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'
- Defenestration, a solution to Solutions To Problems We Don't Have
- This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back
- Halon is not a rad new vape flavour
- Putting the commitment into committee
- That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on
- Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY
- We're only here because they said there would be biscuits
- Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss
- Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?
- Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?
- But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
- The trouble with, er, windows installs
2018
- Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service
- We want you to know you have our full support
- Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot
- Honourable misconduct
- Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....
- We know where the bodies are buried
- Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?
- But I did log in to the portal, Dave
- Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'
- Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great
- Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical
- State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol
2019
- Bye desktop, bye desk. Hello 'slab and a beanbag on the floor
- Tick tick BOOM. It's B-day! No we're not eating Brussels flouts...
- It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH
- What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here
- On a sunny day like this one, the concrete dries so much more quickly
- Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet
- What's the Gnasher? Why, it's our heavy-duty macerator sewage pump
- We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields
- The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...
- Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality
- Trying to go after IT's budget again?
- I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'
- 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck
- The case of the Boss's hidden USB inkjet printer
2020
- You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret
- When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?
- Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer
- Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...
- Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?
- Will the last one out switch off the printer?