1. Welcome to Hell
Thomas, a water company chairman is comatose and has his life support turned off after a car crash. Realising he can now move, Thomas finds he has arrived in hell where Satan is there is greet him, alongside demon Gary. Satan checks the other arrivals into hell and comes across The Professor, a man only assigned to hell on a technicality – of not believing in God. The Professor believes that his vision of hell is a hallucination and is unperturbed by Satan’s attempt at scaring him. Sending him off to be tortured, Satan is left a little confused by The Professor. Later, Satan and Gary head off to see how the professor’s torture is going, and find the demon’s have given up on torturing him as he has managed to dissociate from the pain. Satan attempts to convince The Professor that he is dead by showing him his own funeral, and explains that he was involved in a car crash – caused by Thomas. Satan, unable to break The Professor’s resolve that not all people are bad puts him in the same quarters as Thomas.
Satan is still bemused by the professors insisting humans are mostly decent. The professor during a talk with Thomas believes that his subconscious is producing his vision of hell, but soon finds that Thomas is the cause of the car crash – before Thomas starts to strangle him in a fit of rage over the professors careful driving. Satan arrives to break up the fight and embarks on a quest of trying to seduce the professor’s wife to prove his point that his wife is an example of an indecent human. Meanwhile, Gary and Thomas are becoming friends somewhat during a game of golf, in part due to Thomas’ sucking up. Returning to hell, Satan tries to convince the professor that he had sex with his wife however the professor sees through the lies. While at golf, Thomas continues to talk Gary into obliterating the professor but is left upset that people in hell are there forever. While talking with Gary, Satan admits that he didn’t sleep with the professor’s wife, and actually begins to wonder whether it would be nice to have someone to come home to.
3. Hero Worship
Satan and Gary are playing a game however Gary is upset at the unfairness. Satan suggests a chat with the professor to further his attempts at quashing the professors good attitude who is in the midst of talking with Thomas about the complexity of the universe. Thomas is bored by the professors ramblings and plans to dig out of hell with a spoon when Satan arrives bringing along a sea creature which is a distant relative of humans. The professor finds this interesting, but Satan does not see humans as much more intellectually developed than the creature. Satan takes the professor to visit da Vinci and Shakespeare where the professor finds the men being completely different to how he expects them – somewhat proving Satan’s point. Returning, the professor finds that Thomas has become obsessive in digging a large tunnel. Satan begins to feel some remorse for breaking the professor’s spirit, though is more pleased when Thomas’ escape fails with him being burnt in the Lake of Fire. The professor feels sorry for him, and even admires the tunnel – putting it down to human ingenuity and leaving Satan particularly angry.
Satan is feeling depressed as he listens to Gary’s various punishments he has given to the residents. Gary blames the professor for putting ideas in Satan’s head. Coming up with an idea for recording time, Satan leaves Gary to count. Visiting Thomas and the professor, Satan finds them fighting about a lively discussion – which results in Satan punishing Thomas by turning him into a cauliflower for not letting go. Feeling sorry for Thomas as his attitude is based on how he was brought up, the professor tries to convince Satan that he does not deserve the inflicted punishment. Satan embarks on another attempt to quell the professors spirit by taking him to a pub fight and war which apparently shows the true human nature. Thomas meanwhile attempts to talk Gary into rebelling. Visiting the location where Thomas grew up where they find his dad as a vicar, and his good brother. Returning to hell, Satan still fails to convince the professor that humans are all bad – which resulting in the professor questioning the point of hell at which Satan has no answer.
Satan admonishes Gary for not quashing Elvis’ spirit enough, and also questions his use of a Filofax which he got from Thomas. Taking to cleaning, Gary believes that the professor has made Satan miserable. Thomas is feeling depressed, so the professor suggests recalling his happiest moment – where he reveals having sex with his brother’s wife is his chosen moment. When Satan arrives, the professor asks him what his own happy moment was but finds that he hasn’t had any. Satan sends Thomas to report for cleaning duty with Gary, where he finds that Gary is miserable about Satan’s attitude. Thomas talks him into rebelling to overthrow Satan. The professor tries to help Satan reason about his purpose, when Gary launches a surprise attack. At first, Satan sees his chance to end his own hell though decides that letting Gary beat him is worse. Realising that Gary will easily be beaten, the other demons quickly switch sides, before Satan casts Gary and Thomas away.
Satan is holding a trial to try Gary for rebelling against him. Gary chooses the professor to help him with his defence. The professor calls Gary to the stand and recalls Satan’s own rebellion which got them thrown out of heaven. Gary tells everyone that God’s real name is Nigel, before God arrives to query what is happening. Adjourning court, Satan talks to God in an attempt to reconcile their relationship and have him return to heaven. Hearing Elvis singing, God questions whether Hell is really as oppressive as it should be. He rejects the request for Satan to return seeing that he needs to keep Hell running. Satan queries whether the professor can be admitted into heaven as he feels he does not belong, however the professor upsets God by questioning his logic in the creation of the universe, before angering him by refusing to worship, despite Satan’s attempts to help. When Thomas also complains about his free will, God takes to punishing them with an eternal snowstorm.