Miscatex

The Secret Life of Rosewood Avenue

1. Moving In

Reverend Timothy Carswell is placed in an apparently peaceful residential suburban area, after getting mugged by two pensioners in his inner-city parish, leaving him nervous and shaky. He arrives to the suburban church somewhat late when Mr Cudlip's car breaks down and he has to push it up the remaining hill. He is greeted by housekeeper Mr. Muir who notifies him that the congregation is waiting anxiously for an evening service, much to the reverends dismay. Carswell gives a particularly long sermon of more than four hours featuring a long list of methods he will try to stick by. Meanwhile, Mr Cudlip tries to arrange a date with Mr. Muir despite her rejecting him several previous times, as well as a prior engagement with Dr. Warlock. At the end of the service, emotions are mixed on the sermon length with some compliments and crying. Carswell enquires about his predecessor to Mr. Muir, who says he spent much of his time with a printing press. Miss Tapp and Miss Tilling set about finding some of the former reverends productions, but only find masses of fake ten pound notes after his retirement to South America. Mr Cudlip tries to warn Dr. Warlock off Mr. Muir, who later discusses the situation with the doctor. Miss Tilling and Miss Tapp also set about investigating the reverend, as they dig into his personal life as well as ask him probing questions about his history. Dr. Warlock and Mr. Muir return home from a quiz, where they find the doctor's office has been set on fire with Mr Cudlip soon being arrested for arson. The office ends up with only a small amount of damage, but Miss Tapp and Miss Tilling however use the opportunity to steal the reverends medical records as well as admit to Cudlip's landlady that they caused the fire. The reverend is late back to the church, where he says to Mr. Muir that he was arrested for trying to pass a forged bank note.

2. Entertaining Edwin

Edwin, a long-term school chum of Reverend Carswell is visiting for an indeterminate number of days though his visit was uninvited. Timothy has to give up his own bedroom due to the damp in the spare, and Edwin's persistent cough. Meanwhile, in the village, two teenage tearaways Jeremy and David take to terrorising residents and breaking into houses in which they take items to sell on to a fence. Jeremy, who is actually an accomplished pianist and trusted within the village discovers from Miss Tapp that the villagers are raising money for one of the people they have stole from, and the pair take to plotting on how to steal the money from the reverend who is organising a recital. When Edwin vanishes for some time, the reverend heads out to look for him and discovers him having been stopped by the police, though the pair being returned home in the police car has the elderly residents gossiping. While everyone is at the recital, Jeremy and David climb in to the reverends house and get their hands on the money, but end up being caught by Edwin. The reverend arrives home to collect the money, but ends up believing that Edwin was actually the thief and is attempting to blame the boys. Edwin is thrown out of the house the following morning, and sent on his way home. Travelling home in the taxi with Mrs. Muir, the taxi driver begins gossiping about the reverend being a drunk who abuses his housekeeper, not realising who the reverend is. Timothy also discovers that the rumours came from a couple of elderly women, though Miss Tapp and Miss Tilling claim no knowledge of such women. Jeremy and David take to stopping their burglaries after almost getting caught, and decide on blackmailing the villagers being a more enticing proposition.

3. Raising the Dead

Miss Tilling and Miss Tapp invite the reverend around to join in a seance, with Miss Tilling believing she has become somewhat of an expert on it. The reverend is also in trouble with Mrs. Muir, after not calling a tree surgeon to deal with some overgrown shrubs, resulting in her climbing a ladder to do it herself and promptly falling. Dr Warlock arrives the following day to see to Mrs. Muir, where she refuses to rest, as she has to look after the reverend. Mrs. Garland however is roped in to help, though the reverend finds out that she is a highly sought-after woman, who is generally taken advantage of by everyone in the village after her husband died. At their seance, Arnold and Miss Tilling get into an argument about the star of a film, which results in her determined to prove him wrong. With Reverend Carswell enjoying his freedom with Mrs. Garland looking after him, she takes the opportunity to suggest that he ask Mrs. Muir about early retirement. Heading out to Arnold's house, Miss Tilling and Miss Tapp find that Arnold has since died, partially caused by his anger at the previous argument with the women and leaving Tilling angered that he died before she could settle the argument. Broaching the subject of early retirement with Mrs. Muir, he ends up taking a beating with a walking stick, which Mrs. Garland has to tend to. She has an alternative solution to get rid of Mrs. Muir, by making use of her relatives on the Isle of Skye, though it doesn't take long for Mrs. Muir to cotton on to the plan. Miss Tilling resolves to use her seance powers to recall Arnold back from the spirit world, however problems occur when Arnold isn't actually dead, and instead was just trying to avoid the women. Reverend Carswell also attends, though Miss Tilling soon gets a fright when Arnold turns up at the door. Mrs. Garland is roped into pruning duty by Mrs. Muir, and ends up falling from the ladder herself, leading Mrs. Muir to stay.

4. Miss Willow and the One-Eyed Gentleman

Reverend Carswell has just finished a six-and-a-half-hour sermon which gets good feedback from Miss Willow. Keith and Hilary, Miss Willow's neighbours, have also taken to fielding phone calls for the elderly woman as she is trying to sell some furniture. Miss Tilling has also bought a security system which she is using to observe the area, from which they spot a visitor to Miss Willow's house with just one eye. Meanwhile, Keith and Hilary receive a visit from friends Marcia and Guy, with Marcia spending most of her visit flaunting her wealth in front of them and Guy only getting the opportunity to say "erm" before being interrupted with his wife. Conversation soon turns to families, which Marcia attempts to dodge as she suggests that Guy can't have children. Miss Willow receives a visit from a Captain Van Tal who offers her just thirty pounds for her antique table as he states it is a reproduction. However, he is quick to deliver it to a local antique shop run by Marcia and Guy, where he sells it for significantly more, and quips that he intends to get his hands on the rest of Miss Willow's antiques. Hilary sets about no longer playing second fiddle to Marcia, and demands that Keith get her pregnant. The reverend is suspicious of Van Tal when he finds out the situation with Miss Willow and her table, and his now regular visits. Van Tal and Marcia also grow closer due to their business dealings, where he claims he has seventeen children, with Marcia setting sights on him giving her one. Reverend Carswell discovers a newspaper article and finds that he needs to warn Miss Willow immediately about the threat posed by Captain Van Tal who aims to get her commode. However, Miss Willow and her strychnine proves a robust defence, who she plans on feeding to her cat Rasputin. Hilary also discovers that she is pregnant, though she may have had help from the captain herself.

5. Mrs Garland's Good Deeds

Marjorie Garland is working for the Shore's, having been roped into doing their gardening. At a village meeting, Dr. Warlock brings up the requirement for an over seventies keep fit club. Initially trying to rope Mrs. Garland into the task of running the club, her protestations result in a physical education teacher from a local school, Ken Critchley, taking on the role as leader. He soon proves however that he isn't capable of running a club with gentle exercises, and instead intends to push them to the limits of endurance, despite Reverend Carswell's concerns. On a night of poor weather, Timothy is left looking after the coats while Ken takes them for a cross-country run, and ends up leaving them when they fall behind. Marjorie however meets Ken, and finds that it is the man she was once engaged to, before she ran off with his friend. Ken shows no hard feelings, despite the impact it had on him, as he tries to convince her to look out for herself rather than be exploited by everyone. The first person to deal with the new regime is her twenty-eight-year-old son Simon, who has been pampered significantly during his life. Meanwhile, Critchley's regime continues with his intention to increase the number of sessions to three a week. Marjorie finds that Simon has almost burned the house down attempting to cook, leading her to contemplate changing her stance despite Ken's insistence. As the pair become closer, Ken and Marjorie agree to get married, with Ken quick to inform Simon that he will be moving out as soon as they are wed. Simon takes to dealing with the crisis with the help of the residents of Rosewood Avenue and the threat of them no longer being able to exploit Marjorie. Using a plan devised by Dr. Warlock, Simon threatens to jump from a roof unless she get rid of Ken. He quickly reveals the plan by Dr. Warlock though still manages to fall from the roof, however ends up unhurt when he manages to land on, and kill, Critchley.

6. The Resurrection of Reverend Carswell

Dr. Warlock wins the marrow competition at the village fair, which has been organised to raise money. Meanwhile, the roads are busy around Rosewood Avenue as Reverend Hornblower, an evangelist preacher on an expedition from American, has been busy with construction work on the house he is moving into. Mrs. Muir questions whether the new reverend will be a hit, with a number of people buying tickets for his first show. Arriving at for tea with Miss Tilling and Miss Tapp, they discuss their new business venture - a brothel - much to the horror of Reverend Carswell. At his next sermon, Carswell comes up with the idea for his congregation to do one nice thing each day, and continues to reel all three hundred and sixty five of them off. Meanwhile, Hornblower's event is ongoing and proves to be a hit by the attendees as they are forgiven for their sins, which ends with rapturous applause. At Carswell's next sermon, he finds his entire congregation has been spirited away with them all now attending Hornblower's shows. Six weeks later, Carswell still has no attendees. He takes to meeting Hornblower for the first time at Mr and Mrs Widlake's house, who remark that he is now very old fashioned compared to the new style religion being offered by the American. The couple also remark on a rumour that Carswell's church may be closed down due to the lack of worshippers. The following morning, Mrs. Muir is hysterical at the strange people now hanging around Rosewood Avenue since the brothel opened. Carswell makes another attempt to get them to close the brothel down, however, Miss Tilling and Miss Tapp soon receive a visit from the police vice squad. This leads to the pair, as well as Reverend Carswell being arrested which is reported in the newspaper. However, the report of him being the randiest vicar in the country leads to a packed church of visitors who want to hear his story, and eventually leads to Hornblower moving on. Miss Tilling and Miss Tap however end up in prison.